Boku no Memory

Thinking thing.. bagian 1

2010-12-02T22:54:00.000-08:00

Seorang petapa membawa guci berisi ikan peliharaannya ke tepi sungai,
dia berencana mengembalikan ikan itu ke sungai.

Si Ikan melihat aliran sungai dengan muak,
menolak terjun ke dalamnya.

Dia meloncat keluar dari guci dan jatuh ke tanah.
Merasa tidak nyaman, Si Ikan mulai menggelepar..

"Kau bisa mati kalau terus berada di tanah" kata Sang Petapa,
memasukkan ikan itu kembali ke gucinya.

Si Ikan mendongak, melihat langit yang biru.
Mungkin di sana.. Di sana sepertinya menyenangkan, batinnya.

Sang Petapa ikut mendongak, mengerti apa yang dipikirkan peliharaannya.

"Langit bukan tempat untuk ikan!" hardiknya.

Si ikan diam saja, kali ini menolak keluar dari guci.. merajuk

Berdebat dengan Nyamuk

2010-11-30T00:01:00.001-08:00

Seorang gadis membuka selimutnya, menatap jam dinding bergambar Pooh yang menempel di dinding kamarnya, pukul 11.00 WIB. Malam ini gerah sekali, keringatnya tidak bisa berhenti keluar. Belum lagi nyamuk yang sejak tadi berseliweran di telinganya, semakin membuatnya tidak bisa tidur. Kalau dia memakai selimut sampai menutupi seluruh badannya, maka dia akan semakin tidak bisa tidur karena bermandi keringat dan susah bernafas. Kalau tidak memakai selimut, maka dia juga tidak akan bisa tidur karena segerombolan nyamuk yang akan semakin mengerubutinya, berpesta darah. Sampai akhirnya di memutuskan duduk saja, memandangi nyamuk-nyamuk yang mengelilinginya, mengantuk.

Semakin banyak nyamuk yang mengerubutinya dan akhirnya membuatnya kesal.

“DIAM!!DIAM!! Kalian nyamuk menjengkelkan!! AKu benci!! Aku benci!!!”teriaknya.

Lalu tiba-tiba salah satu nyamuk dengan ukuran tubuh paling besar berhenti di hadapannya. Mereka berdua seolah sedang berpandangan lama.

“Kenapa kau membenci kami?”kata Si Nyamuk

Gadis tadi melihatnya heran. Nyamuk itu bicara? Nyamuk itu sedang mengejeknya? Cepat-cepat diambilnya kaca pembesar yang ada di lemari bukunya, mengarahkannya pada si Nyamuk.

“Kenapa kau membenci kami, padahal kami hanya mencari makan?”kata Nyamuk lagi

“Hhh.. nyamuk, aku tahu kalian hanya mencari makan.. tapi tidak bisakah kalian makan lebih tenang, atau setidaknya menusuk kulitku tanpa meninggalkan gatal? Aku bukannya pelit memberikan darahku, aku mungkin juga tidak tahu kalau darahku kalian hisap..”gumamnya. “Yaah..memang bukan salahmu. Mungkin memang sudah nasibmu untuk hidup dengan mengganggu makhluk lain..”katanya lagi melihat ke arah nyamuk dengan pandangan kasihan. Nyamuk itu semakin mendekat.

“Wah..wah.. lihat siapa yang berbicara..”kata Si Nyamuk.

“Apa maksudmu? Bukankah semua yang kukatakan benar?”tanya gadis itu heran.

“Yang pertama, kami para nyamuk tidak menusuk kulitmu, tapi mengirisnya. Dan yang menyebabkan gatal adalah zat yang terdapat dalam air liur kami, yang kami gunakan untuk mencegah luka irisan yang kami buat menutup kembali sebelum kami mengambil darahmu.”jawab nyamuk itu terdengar agak congkak. “Kedua, caramu mengatakannya seolah-olah kau adalah pihak yang paling kesusahan dan paling dirugikan disini”tambahnya.

“Memang benar kan? Aku jadi serba salah, tidak bisa tidur dengan nyenyak karena bunyi sayap-sayap kalian yang berdenging di telingaku, juga karena gatal-gatal yang kalian timbulkan, aku sudah capek beraktivitas seharian, lembur mengerjakan tugas sampai malam, padahal besok pagi aku harus sekolah, jam5 pagi aku harus sudah bangun. Besok aku akan mengantuk dan itu gara-gara kalian!! Aku sudah jelas susah dan rugi tau!!”jawab gadis itu, mulai emosi.

“Hey, hey Nona.. tenang dulu. Kau tidak perlu membentak, karena ukuran mulutmu itu sudah berpuluh2 kali ukuran tubuhku, aku bisa mendengarnya dengan jelas.”jawab nyamuk.

“Wah, seharian kau bekerja keras rupanya. Lalu memangnya kau pikir kami para nyamuk bermalas-malasan, begitu? Kami para nyamuk juga memiliki jam tidur, dan jam bekerja. Ketika kami tidur, apa kalian pernah peduli untuk tidak bersuara keras? Berhati-hati ketika melewati sarang kami? Kalian bahkan mungkin tidak pernah peduli apakah kami sedang tidur atau tidak. Bukankah adil ketika kami juga tidak perlu peduli kalian sedang tidur atau tidak?”kata nyamuk itu lagi. “Kami juga bekerja keras setiap hari. Berbeda denganmu kami bekerja keras untuk mencari makan, bahkan dengan mempertaruhkan nyawa kami. Kau pasti tidak susah payah menyiapkan makanmu, iya kan? Bayangkan saja kalau kau jadi kami. Kami harus mencari bau dan suhu tubuh kalian di kegelapan, secara perlahan hinggap, mengiris sedikit kulit kalian dan menghisap darahnya, proses yang lama dan harus hati-hati untuk tidak membuat kalian terbangun dan sadar akan keberadaan kami. Jika kalian terbangun, maka nyawa kami serasa sudah berada di ujung dan siap melayang. Dengan sekali pukul, kami sudah pasti mati”

“Tidak sadarkah kau bahwa mencari makan bagi kami sama dengan bertempur di medan perang setiap harinya? Hanya demi makan. Berapa kali kau makan hari ini? 3? 4? 5 kali? Aku belum sekali pun. Tapi aku tidak meminta belas kasihanmu, Manusia, karena memang begini seharusnya. Kami berjuang menjalani takdir kami sebagai nyamuk sebagaimana digariskan-Nya.”

“Tetap saja, kau kan merugikan makhluk lain! Tentu saja kami tidak peduli pada kalian, dan kalau kami membunuh kalian, itu karena kami harus mempertahankan diri. Kalian bisa menyebabkan penyakit, banyak orang yang meninggal karena kalian!”gadis itu mendebat.

“Iya, aku tidak pernah mempertanyakan mengapa manusia membenci kami. Kami merasa semuanya telah seimbang. Seperti kalian yang mempertahankan diri, kami juga mempertahankan diri kami dengan makan. Bukankah kalian manusia juga membunuh makhluk lain untuk bertahan hidup? Kalian membunuh kambing dan sapi, bahkan hewan yang tidak layak dimakan untuk kalian makan dan mempertahankan hidup. Kami tidak pernah bermaksud membunuh kalian, hanya irisan kecil di salah satu pori-pori kulitmu, meninggalkan sedikit gatal yang tidak bertahan sampai sehari. Tidak seperti kalian yang untuk makan saja memang harus mengambil nyawa makhluk lain. Oh, bahkan untuk kegiatan lain kalian juga harus membunuh, membunuh gajah hanya untuk memajang gadingnya yang indah, membunuh kijang dan macan untuk diawetkan, membunuh untuk bersenang-senang.. ya.. kalian memang begitu, melakukan apa saja demi membuat diri kalian sendiri senang. Belum lagi membunuh sesama manusia, hoho.. paling tidak kami nyamuk tidak pernah membunuh sesama nyamuk, bahkan jika kami berasal dari spesies yang berbeda.”cerocos nyamuk lagi.

Gadis itu geram, tapi menyadari kebenaran dari kata-kata nyamuk. Tidak, tentu saja itu tidak benar. Nyamuk itu salah!

“Memang hanya gatal, tapi kau tidak tahu akibatnya. Satu gigitanmu juga bisa membunuh kami, sudah berjuta-juta orang mati terkena demam berdarah dan malaria tau!”

“Ah Manusia, jangan terlalu merendah. Kalian dikaruniai otak! Kalian masih bisa berpikir untuk mencegah dan mengobatinya, sesuatu yang tidak dimiliki oleh makhluk manapun di muka bumi ini selain kalian. Kalian bisa mencegah kami berkembang biak, mematikan calon anak-anak kami, merusak rumah kami, kalian menciptakan berbagai macam hal yang bisa membuat kami menjauhi kalian, mulai daari bau yang tidak kami sukai, sebuah alat berjaring yang membuat kami gosong ketika menyentuhnya, sebuah kain berlubang2 kecil yang kalian letakkan menutupi tempat tidur. Kalian punya banyak hal untuk mempersulit kami. Jika ada yang telah sakit, kalian juga mempunyai berbaai cara untuk menanganinya.. kalian pintar, kalian memiliki banyak hal lebih dari kami. Kami para nyamuk tidak memiliki otak yang bisa berpikir. Kami bergerak dan bekerja dengan naluri yang dikaruniakan-Nya. Kami tidak tahu caranya menangkal bau tidak sedap yang kalian gunakan, tidak sanggup mencegah terbunuhnya anak-anak kami ketika kalian membersihkan genangan air di sekitar rumah kalian, tidak bisa menghindar ketika kepulan asap beracun kalian semprotkan pada kami. Kami tidak bisa berpikir bagaimana membuat serangan balik pada kalian. Kami hanya berusaha mencari makan untuk hidup, menerima nasib jika ketika akhirnya telapak raksasa kalian menghantam kami, atau ketika hal-hal lain yang kalian lakukan bisa membunuh kami.”jawab nyamuk itu. “

“Jadi apa maksudmu nyamuk? Bahwa kami manusia lebih kejam daripada kalian, bahwa seharusnya kami meminta maaf pada para nyamuk? Membiarkan nyamuk hidup dan menggigit kami secara sukarela? Begitukah maumu?”gadis itu marah.

“Demi Tuhan aku tidak pernah berpikir begitu. Tadi kau bilang membenci kami yang hanya mencari makan, padahal kami tidak pernah membenci kalian walaupun kalian sudah sering membunuh saudara dan anak-anak kami yang belum menetas, juga merusak rumah-rumah kami.. Aku juga tidak pernah memprotes kenapa manusia harus begini begitu, sementara nyamuk hanya begini begitu. Aku percaya pada Dia yang memberikanku hidup, dan aku menerima hidupku menurut cara yang diajarkan-Nya padaku. Menjalaninya tanpa banyak protes“

Gadis itu tertegun.

“Kalian manusia adalah makhluk yang paling sempurna dan beruntung di muka bumi ini. Bumi ini dihamparkan untuk kalian. Kalian lah rajanya. Tapi tetap saja, diantara semua makhluk.. aku yakin kalian lah yang paling banyak menggerutu!! Seharusnya kau menggunakan hidupmu dengan baik, melakukan apapun sekuat tenagamu tanpa banyak mengeluh, dan lebih banyak bersyukur Nona, paling tidak bersyukur karena kau jadi manusia, bukan nyamuk!”kata nyamuk itu lagi, kemudian melenggang pergi.

Wouuuuu.. Hari terakhir revisi..

2010-07-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

Location: bedroom
Date and Time: Thursday, July the 29th 2010, 12:04 AM
Listening: 'New Day Has Come' by Celine Dion
Watching: 'The Last Airbender' (jelek ah, Katara-nya, Zuko-nya, Saka-nya, Aang-nya.. :p)
Reading: (still) my thesis (bedanya, kali ini revisii.. hahahahaha :D)
Eating: Mie SEDAP
Drinking: Dancow Susu rasa Full Cream

So, good morning ^^
gak kerasa dah pagi.. dan revisian saya blum selese.. padahal ini hari terakhir kalo nilai skripsi mau keluar dan ikut yudisium T^T
GOSH!!! saya pikir setelah ujian skripsi bakalan bisa refresh.. trnyata beluuum... masih harus revisi draft skripsi seabrek-abrek (5 points for each lecturer, and there're 4 lecturers, which mean 20 points.. uwaaaa)
semoga cepet selese... semoga cepet selese.. semoga cepet selese...
(walopun saya sadar, semakin banyak saya nulis kalimat itu, dan semakin lama saya nulisin ni blog, berarti semakin terbengkalai pula revisian saya.. wkwkwkwk =.=")

Hooo iya, kalo saya sekarang lagi revisi, itu artinyaaaa...
SAYA UDAH UJIAN KOMPRE!!! in other words... SAYA SUDAH LULUS!!!
Horeee...... :D *euforia lulusan baru, bentar juga surem lagi mikir mau ngapain abis lulus =.="*
Ah, biarin.. yang penting saya bisa lulus tepat waktu.. ohohohoh...
and for that, I'm really really grateful :D

Sebelum ditulis di naskah skripsi saya yang bakal dijilid hardcover warna orange (o yeah..), I'd love to say many thank yous here...
1st and always be 1st is ALLAH SWT, My God... for just every little thing You give me, for every breath, every strength, every single thought, every chance, every miracles, well.. can't mention all.. just for every single thing ^^. And I'm forever thankful either for sending me these extraordinaries:
# Mommy and Daddy Dearest, untuk setiap doa, tenaga, pikiran, waktu, uang, dorongan, sentilan, sindiran (biar cepet lulus).. hehehe.. for everything u all do for me..
Special for my Mom, I know this thesis can't make u proud.. but still, it's especially for u ^^ and I'm really sorry for everything I've done.. for can never make u both proud... but I sure try, hope u like it :)

# My Lovely Moncy, ahahahahahaha.. my best ever!!! I dont know what I should say my Dear, this thesis was done because of u.. hohoho... I can say nothing but deeply thank you.. for a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm, for the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on, for a heart I can rely on trough anything, for truth that will never change, and for someone to lead on.. (nyomot lagu 'I Turn to You', but I mean it, this song is really representative :P).. for everything you do and for everything you are.. Sweetheart... huummbbb... really really love youuu *big hug Moncy*

# Rinku, one of my best friend.. a deeply thank you.. for always teach me not to be fear to say what on ur mind, for every honest comment, for teaching that the truth should always be said as a truth... for teaching me about idealism... for every full heart cares and affection.. thank you so much ^^

# Kedua pembimbingku yang extraordinary.. hehehe... dua orang cantik yang brilliant, baik hati pula.. wkwkwkwk.. klop! Sangat bersyukur bisa mendapatkan beliau-beliau dengan mudah (gak perlu gontok2an sama Pak Sekjur maksudnya, hohoho).. Terima kasih banyak ya Buuuuu..

# Tante dan Om (ni udah q tulis lhoo di bagian 'thanks to' :p), atas pinjaman printernya yang rela saya suruh ngeprint beratus2 halaman dengan susah payah.. dan atas semua uprak-uprak dan dorongan serta semangat, hohohoho... makasih banyaaak :D

# MbaPut (singkatan dari Mbah Putri *Chariz Style*) yang ternyata diam-diam mendoakan cucu pertamanya yang paling manis *hahahaha* di setiap hening malam, di setiap tadahan tangan ke atas, di setiap sujud dan rukuk nya.. tanpa diketahui siapa pun selain Dzat Yang Maha Tahu dan para malaikat-Nya.. hukz.. matur nuwun sanget Mbah :)

# Adhek-adhekq: Akuma, Nafil, Chariz yang entah telah membantu pada bagian mana, yang jelas kalian sangat membantu, hohohoho (bantuin rebutan pas mau pake komputer, rebutan pas mau ngeprint, rebutan modem) tapi juga ada yang bantu nganterin nyari buku, bantu doa, bantu ngisengin pas lagi bete, bantu semangat, bantu bikin ketawa... hahahaha.. tingkah sok lugu dan sok polos kalian itu (karena sebenernya gak banget).. membuat skripsi semakin terasa seperti skripsi.. hahahaha...

# My extraordinary gadgets: Nokia 3120classic yang rela dibuat nelponin dan sms in para informan dan dosen (sekaligus smsan ma Moncy :p), EVA-09 Acer Aspire 4720z (yang setia nemenin lembur walopun batrenya ngedrop), smart modem C700 (yang udah nemenin malem2 ngepost hal2 ga penting kayak gini, FBan, hunting pictnya Pep, ma browsing data), CANON Printer PIXMA IP800 yang sudi ngeprint naskah skripsi yang buanyak berkali-kali (soalnya bolak balik salah), dan lain sebagainya..

# My Extraordinary others: Gempar for being such naughty cat and for always catch my attention.. thank you for the playing times buddy ^^, Joseph Guadiola i Sala (buat senyumnya yang bisa bikin fresh..hahaha *dasar voyeur :P*), Miley Cyrus, Lenka, Westlife, Backstreet Boys, Celine Dion, L'Arc~en~Ciel, George Benson, Sarah Brightman, Phill Collins, Enrique Iglesias, David Archuletta, Adam Lambert, Mr. BIG, Christina Aguilera, The Beatles, Mika, Lifehouse, Death Cab for Cutie, Robbie Williams, for the entertainment, thank you guys :)

Hmmmm... that's all.. ada yang lupa disebut? feel free to tell me.. (though I'm not sure bakal ada revisi tentang ini, hehehehe :p)

Bdw, sepertinya ada yang kelupaan.. hmmm... hmmm...

GOSH!! REVISI!!! *cek jam* 12:50 AM.. right...
C u soon then hahaha *ngaciir*

still I'm searching for life
--Ojou--

When You Love Someone (dicomot dari lagunya Bryan Adams :p)

2010-07-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

Location: my second floor room (perfect place to hide ^^)
Date and Time: Friday, July the 16th 2010, 20:34 AM (Bangkok, Hanoi, Jakarta)
Listening: 'Last Night, Good Night' by Hatsune Miku
Watching: nothing recently
Reading: last time.. my thesis
Eating: last time instant noodle :p
Drinking: Dora Oxygen Water yang ada di botol Ades (ga nyambung.. hehe :p)

'When you love someone..
you'll do anything..
you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain..'

hehe.. is it true? I guess so...
tapi.. harusnya ditambahin tu lagu..
"we're unconsciously do all that crazy thing that we can't explain.." :D *dihajar karena sok tahu*
nggak sih.. bukannya sok tahu.. but that's what I find recently in my daily life.. when I love someone.. :) *ihiiiir....*
tapi masalahnya kadang that's not just crazy things, but also many irrational thing..
u know, jealous could also be irrational sometimes (and I get embarrassed to myself last time I get jealous.. haha) *for someone reading this blog, ga boleh ketawa!!! :p*

so, is it means that love changes us, or we're unconsciously changed by love?

still I'm searching for life..
--Ojou--

Lullaby by Josh Groban

2010-01-13T10:27:00.000-08:00

Maybe I really need a lullaby.. T^T

"Lullaby"
(feat. Ladysmith Black Mambazo)

Hush now baby don't you cry
Rest your wings my butterfly
Peace will come to you in time
And I will sing this lullaby

Know though I must leave, my child
That I would stay here by your side
And if you wake before I'm gone
Remember this sweet lullaby

And all love through darkness
Don't you ever stop believing
With love forlorn
With love you'll find your way
My love

The world has turned the day to dark
I leave this night with heavy heart
When I return to dry your eyes
I will sing this lullaby

Yes I will sing this lullaby
Oooooohhh

singing for life (errr... for sleep this time =_=zZzz)
--Ojou--

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG NIGHT

2010-01-13T10:23:00.001-08:00

I CANT SLEEEEP T^T

WHAT SHOULD I DO????

TOMOROW I'LL HAVE AN EXAM...

OUWH....

GOSH....

MY EYES.. PLEASE... SLEEEP...

*look at the clock*

WHAT!?!?!? 1:27 AM

I'M NOT GONNA SLEEP...

T________________________________T

Masquerade -- by Backstreet Boys

2010-01-10T05:43:00.000-08:00

heuheu.. it's such a new label for this blog. a song lyric I listen.. maybe not always an updated one, or a new one.. but this is a song I listen recently.. this time, it's from Backstreet Boys.. hahagz.. just love their song :P, n sometimes, when u can't write ur feeling.. it's far more better to say it with a song.. rite? enjoy then ^^

Masquerade
by. Backstreet Boys

Backstreet
Listen up

This scene's so hypnotic
Smoking mirrors, lights and magic
Paper faces in gold
There's solider boys, beauty queens
Everyone's a mystery
It's got me losing control

Yearning, I'm yearning for the one to steal my eyes
Wanna play in this game of disguise

It's a masquerade, a love parade
So won't you stay and dance with me
All through the night and day
My masquerade, I need you baby
So stay with me tonight

Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade
Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade

Just like a perfect dream
I don't ever wanna leave
A thousand freaks in the show
One's a tiger, one's a lynx
One's a king that suffering
Moving high, moving low
Burning, I'm burning, can't you see it in my eyes?
Wanna play in this game of disguise

It's a masquerade, a love parade
So won't you stay and dance with me
All through the night and day
My masquerade, I need you baby
So stay with me tonight

Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade
Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade

I gotta know the girl behind the mask
Let me in, where you've been, don't pretend
Dreamed that I had her alone
Show your face to me, we could be everything

It's a masquerade, a love parade
So won't you stay and dance with me
All through the night and day
My masquerade, I need you baby
So stay

A masquerade, a love parade
So won't you stay and dance with me
All though the night and day
My masquerade, I need you baby
So stay with me tonight

Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade
Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade, Masquerade

singing for live ^^
--Ojou--

My Bright and Shine Day ^^

2010-01-06T08:19:00.000-08:00

Location: on my couch
Date and Time: Wednesday, January the 6th 2010, 11:23 PM (Bangkok, Hanoi, Jakarta)
Listening: Blue Bird by Ikimno Gakari
Watching: My Boss My Hero eps. 05
Reading: my weird short story
Eating: sop kacang merah + telur mata sapi
Drinking: Dora Oxygen Water

Konbanwa minna~ ^^
I'm really in a good mood today..
actually, today, I got stuck in my university building, coz it's raining.. well, actually, it was a rainstorm, never been this worst before...
so, I have a talking with my best friend, Moncy, I really thankful for the rain today, coz I can spent a great time with her ^^.
on my last post, I'm really in a dark mood, it's even scary for me to read it, how poisonous.. :P
well, I have a problem with my self.. I think I have a fight with my other-rebellious-side of my self. But, today... I make her disapear.. hahahahagz... deeply thanks for Moncy.. *kissu kissu Moncy*

Bdw, I never think bout it before.. it's a feeling I forgot I have...
about trusting other, and tell to them how ur feeling is...
I'm a complicated girl... and guess I already complicated, even when I'm just a kid...
I remember how I try to tell my friends bout my problem, but they never get it, they thing I'm weird, and have a strange way of thinking.. so they just ignored me...
Time after time, its just the same thing happens to me...that people around me never get my point, thy never understand, or even try to understand...
so in a certain time, I stop trying to make them understand...
I said to my self..
"that shallow minded person would never understand our complicated mind... jadi, beri saja mereka sesuatu yang bisa dengan mudah mereka cerna.."
and that's what exactly what I did... I become someone they get easily understand, I become approachable, open people, someone who always make other people happy.. someone simple...
that's all what they think...
but me, myself.. never changed since the day I say that to myself.. I'm still complicated, but no one see it.. :P

but today, Moncy makes me believe that there's someone who can understands me, someone who cares, and someone who always listens to what I say... someone who understand my feelings... than I find my trauma faded away.. little by little...
and I'll forever thank you for Moncy... ^^

Owh, bout my mother's problem...
I find a very good solution to make it all better... for me
that I'm her precious... and she knows I can be a human if I try hard enough...
she just want me be on my best... she just want me be happy, no matter what, and have no regret...
I know she loves me a lot... (and I love her too ^^)... all she want is, she is not here, by my side, in faint...
fuuuh... okaa-sama...
I will try my best... I'll give u a great surprise.. a very good one ^^...
I'm not gonna make u down..
dakara.. oka-sama...
hora!! I'll reach that star above.. just for u...
*kissu kissu oka-sama*

and I'm still
searching for life
--Oujo--

a stupid daughter.. and oh, its 2010 !!!

2010-01-01T07:39:00.000-08:00

Location : on my bed
Date and Time: Friday, January the 1st 2010, 10:51 PM (Bangkok, Hanoi, Jakarta)
Listening: 'Remember When it Rain' by Josh Groban
Wacthing: Superman Returns
Reading: tutorial Adobe Pgotoshop CS
Eating: D'Creepes toping pisang keju
Drinking: Dancow susu coklat

Nite everyone..
1st of all.. I wanna say, Happy Nu Year 2010... ^^
I'm gonna miss 2009 for sure,, but hate it as well.. banyak hal yg sangat precious di 2009, dan banyak hal yang bikin marah, jengkel, sedih, tapi for 2009, I'll always be grateful ^^
Then.. 2010 it is, sudah menyiapkan resolusi? I'm not, soalnya resolusi saya kmaren banyak yg ga tercapai.. maybe I'm just gonna make a wish and try my best..

By the way...
I'm not in a good shape while I'm writing this blog. Well, I guess I'm just gonna write it, its my memory however :P. Its about my mother.
Well, let me explain a little about her. I'm sure, semua orang akan menganggap ibu mereka adalah orang yang hebat, dan saya termasuk orang-orang itu. Ibu saya adalah seseorang yang hebat, she works for us, nite and day.. 24 hours 7 days..she never think about herself.. it's always her family comes first. Caring, strong, independent, and beautiful.

Its too bad for her, mungkin Tuhan memang tidak adil.. she has a daughter like me. For sure, I never think I could be good enough for her.. I thought that I do nothing but always make her disapointed, I've done nothing if u asked me..

fuaah.. this tears.. is it really necessary, what did I cried for?
My mother even doubt whether I love her or not.. haha, am I look so ignorant? am I look like a super rebels?
what should I say, Okaa-sama.. I love u.. I love u so much it's almost painful... this unspeakable love... I'm sorry.. I wish I could make u believe... cinta itu ada, dan sangat besar.. hingga tidak mampu membentuk kata...

Moncy said I'm precious, that everyone will be very thankful to have me in their life.. ahh.. Moncy, she's such a great best friend I've ever had.. (that's why I feel thankful for 2009, cz I have her in 2009).
Am I really that precious? Can't lie that I really doubt about it...

I'm a stupid daughter, am I? I realize it recently..
we cant choose our parents.. we take them for granted.. and as a child we should always be grateful to them, for giving us birth, love, and many things we have.. that's why we cant ask for perfectness.. they do their best and they're perfect in their way...
but we, as a child.. is their hope (especially me, for I'm their only child..). They put their highest dream on us..praying, wishing, hoping... doing their best.. a child should be perfect for their parents...
and all I do is nothing but make them sad...

I cant say nothing but sorry... a deeply sorry Okaa-sama... I'm sorry for I can never be your best.. but I sure try...
and I just want u to know... that I love u... I love u... and for a thousands time.. I'm gonna love u till the end...
I'm sorry... and thank you... always...

searching or life,
--Oujo--

baka mitai... (read: I'm seemingly a fool)

2009-12-27T08:43:00.000-08:00

what happens when people couldn't read u?
But they pretend they could read everything in ur mind...
They keep an eye on everything u do.. and decide whether it's right or wrong... (most is wrong actually.. :P)

especially for this unpredictable one...
not interested in singing my songs... not interested in telling the world what really going on in my head...
just wanna say.. please stop guessing... u'll just gonna walk even further from the truth..
it's a fact, that perception can never be wrong.. but it can be inaccurate.. :P

keep fighting with them (that smart looking people -or smart pretender-) is a fool choice...
and I'm seemingly a fool...
or maybe in their eyes I'm a dirty fool one...

but go ahead, People! Guess and decide ur mind, if it could make u satisfied!
u are satisfied, aren't u?
u are happy out there, aren't u?
then stand on ur position.. and hold on ur opinion...
I'll be just fine..

someone whispers..
'stop this stupid war.. u're not in a same league...'
then I realized something...
'baka mitai...'* ^^

*in this phrase means.. 'how fool I am'.. :P

--Ojou--
(living room - Wednesday, December 23, 2009 - 10:56 AM)

a twenty first...

2009-12-27T08:41:00.000-08:00

21st... yang sudah lama kelewatan.. saya pikir cuma pergantian umur sperti yg sebelumnya (well, secara selebrasi, kado, dsb dsb kyagna emg sama :P)

but I never know.. that 21st could be so complicated...

I'm just a human with all my weakness when I turned to 21st.. (ga ad yg salah kan? every human have their own weakness :P)
I'm okay with that (I really am), guess I dont need to change it, or even if it's needed, I'm not sure I can

But God has another plan...

and that perfect plan made just for me... hows that plan feels like?

well..

feels like having a hard slap in my face when I was sleeping, make me awake with a half of my consciousness...

like I have to run when I'm not sure I can walk properly...

like send me out of my comfort cave without notification and take me to a whole new place where I should learn from (almost) zero (with all my mistakes :P)

like point out all my wrong in a harsh way.. fiuuuhh... (mungkin memang harus begitu.. :P)

like giving me a whole month assignment, and I just have a week to finish it... then next week I should be ready for the exam ,, T__T

in a way...

in other way...

God also send me 'A Special Someone'... hahahahay, yang belum tentu dikirimkan ke semua org, :P

the extra ordinary one..
the one that have completely (apa absolutely ya.. wkwkwk :P) different personality with me.. hahhahay.. thanks God analogi membantu :P

the one that raise me up, when I let myself down...

the one that trust me even when I didnt trust my self...

its always strange, when I think bout everything from the beginning

but however... for that certain someone, I'll always be thankful ^^

and for u my dear one, a neverending thanks... ^^

I believe (at least) there's something wait for me in d future, dont need to ask why, cz I'm sure I'll find d answer, little by little... :P
All I need right now is a faith to keep me stand as tall as I can, a stronger shoulder for carry a heavier burden, and a greater soul >,<

the 21st not gonna end yet (masih lamaa...)
there are still many lessons to learn...
there are still many assignment to do...
there are still many times to make myself better...
there are still many limited chance to change...

But I know, there's no need to worry...
I already have an angel as my companion ^^ (please help me get through these.. onegai shimasu >,<)
and above all I have my Greatest God
XDD

Its a long way to go.. and
strangely, for my whole life I've never feel this lucky... XDD

--Ojou--
(living room - Wednesday, November 25, 2009 - 1:40 AM)

my thanks to...

2009-12-27T08:40:00.000-08:00

God, I dont know whether I deserve to receive it or not,
but thank you...

for everything u gave to me, thank you

for every heart beat, thank you

for every second to stay alive, thank you

for many changes and miracles, thank you

for sending such an angel to accompany me, thank you

for giving me shoulders that grow even stronger, thank you

for taking care of my soul, thank you

for showing me myself, thank you

for take me to where I belong, thank you

for never letting me down, thank you

for keep loving me (yea, I know U love me souw much ^^) even if I'm just a sinner, a great thank you

and please forgive me God, for I've been never thankful enough...

--Ojou--
(at livingroom - Wednesday, November 25, 2009 - 12:17 AM)

Take a Deep Breath, Honey...

2009-12-27T08:37:00.000-08:00

read something,, and I'm like getting a punch in my heart,,
what a pathetic gurl,,,

I should've been mad,,, so angry,, or upset,,,
its more easier,, isnt it?

I'm a human,, with my own free will,,,
dont try to judge me, cz who do u think u r?

Please forgive me God,, for I have sinned
but I believe U always know the truth,,
And I believe that I always have U,,

So I'll just take a deep breath,,,

doesn't matter now, cz I dont care,,
NO TRUST,,,
NO REASONING,,,
NO MORE TO SAY,,,

(my room - Saturday, October 10, 2009 - 12:00 PM)

End of Hope...

2009-12-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

U can call me crazy if u want,,
But this feeling is real,,
This memory is real,,
This bond is real,,
n he,,, is real

U can call me stupid for,,
Keep searching,,
Keep praying,,
Keep hoping,, n
Keep believing,,
that he,, will come back
someday,,

Tonight,,
he is right there,,
in front of me,,
standing tall

that face,,
that hair,,
that voice,, n
that eyes,,
all are d same

But when I look closer,,
this feeling,,
this memory,,
this bond,,
n him,,

with the water run down my cheeks
I know,,
He'll never be d same,,

And all d searches, beliefs, prays, n hopes,,
ends here.

(my room, Sunday, June the 7th 2009 - 12:59 AM)

ordinary.. today...

2009-12-27T04:48:00.000-08:00

Location: Still in my Livingroom..
Time and Date: Sunday, December the 27th 2009 - 07:54 PM (Hanoi; Bangkok; Jakarta)
Listening: Don't Stay Away by Elliot Yamin
Reading: my brothers homework =_=a
Watching: AVATAR (not finished yet T^T)
Eating: rice + soup + omelette
Drinking: Rinku' s mineral water

Today should be a holiday.. but from this morning.. I have to go to Rinku's house to finish our assignment. Fiuuh.. I never believe that Sunday could be effective to do some assignment, but however, it works.. haha..
So, I wake up late this morning, at 8.00 AM, and I dont have time for breakfast. But I still try to put a plate of rice and a fried egg before I go. I know they will be angry to me if I dont have my breakfast, coz last month I got serious stomachache and I should rest in hospital. for.. err.. 3 days.. :p. Well, I should learn from that harsh warning actually.. but it's kinda habitual for me.. hehe..

Now, let me tell you my situation. Here I am in my living room, with 4 cousins and my aunt. two of them (my cousins) are doing their homework.. they have difficulties in doing their homework, but I think they are not trying hard enough to do it.. they just too lazy to read. It's an English homework, and they think I'm good in this major (stupid thinking.. I'm still a newbie, however :p). sometimes they make me mad as hell, when they start acting too much, start to act so silly, and didn't pay attention to their homework.. what can I do, they are just a boys (yeah, both of them are boys, actually I have 7 cousins, 5 of them are male, and the rest are female ^^)
I feel glad if I could help them finish their work, or when they feel difficult. But sometimes, they just use me to finish their job.. hey, that's not a good education for children right.. :p

There are many voices in my head, maybe its because all my undone assignment.. gosh, if only I have someone to finish it, I really dont have a drive to do it.. (damn, this laziness is a curse!! T^T). However, I'm still trying to work on it, little by little... well, something big start with little step, rite? hohohoho.. that's just my excuse..
Mr. Mario Teguh said that 'we use a same time to win and lose'.. huft, every time I think bout it, I feel a headache.. for what did I use my time? win or lose? I still trying to make it as a winning (God help me pleaseee.... T^T)

guess that's all my pain and sorrow for today (hahahagz.. so drama queen :p)..
I'll c u again..

still.. searching for life,
--Ojou--

My Memory...

2009-12-26T07:28:00.000-08:00

Location: My living room
Time and Date: Saturday, 26 December 2009 - 11:27 PM (Hanoi; Bangkok; Jakarta)
Listening: Fragile Heart by Westlife
Reading: nothing serious ^^
Watching: The Holiday
Eating: nothing for supper
Drinking: Dancow coklat :P

Well... so, this blog is about my memory... that's why the title is 'Boku no Memory' (means 'My Memory' :P). Maybe strange why should I write my memory down in a blog. People usually write something useful in a blog, rite? such as, information, entertainment, or anything that can be useful for someone read it. Well, sorry if this blog make u disappointed, cz it's nothing but my own-unimportant-memory.. hahahagz ^^

Feeling like u're not gonna have something important or interesting in this blog? well, I suggest u to close this blog, and start looking for another more-interesting-blog out there.. ^^

Okey, memory start I guess..
hmm.. now, I'm a college student, struggling to graduate as soon as I can (not struggling actually.. I have problems with my laziness, less drive, and anything that makes me not interesting in doing my assignment -or important thing-). In fact, I writing this blog, while I should be doing my assignment, and it should be done by tomorrow, what a respectful girl I am.. haha :P. No problem, promise I'll finish it.. (dont know when.. ^^)

then.. I really love cats, reading and drawing manga, watch anime and movies, I like music a lot (but I have to be picky in Indonesian songs.. sorry ^^), dont like cleaning my house, oh.. and I like Japan a lot!! Japanese culture, language, people, anything.. just anything... hehehe..

I'm 21 years old, and seems like my life become so complicated in this age (its not like my life is not complicated at all.. its already complicated, but even worse). Many things happen, and looks like I'm not ready enough to accept this, and I guess the timing just not right. However.. I couldn't be smarter than God, so.. there's gotta something behind this mess in my 21st.. hahaha.. and I'm gonna find it..

still about me.. (cz..hey,this is my memory.. :P), I'm just an ordinay girl I guess, I'm not type of girl that will make anyone turn their head on while I'm passing, I'm not kind of girl that can make time go slower while people staring at me, if someone talk to me, they might think that I'm approachable.. but that's fine ^^.
However, Im not that simple (ask my friend if u dont believe it, she knows me 3 years, and still think that I'm complicated, haha :D), I cant explain it.. I'm just complicated, thats all ^^.

I think, its enough for now..
I'll c u again..

Searching for Life
--Oujo--